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My Grandfather’s Pants by Tegon Maus
Publisher: Tirgearr Publishing (Jan 21, 2014)
Category: Contemporary Romance, Humor, Romantic Comedy, Suspense
Tour Dates: Oct/Nov, 2016
Available in: ebook, 164 Pages
Jack Laskin is an ordinary man. More than ordinary according to some. Running the family hardware store and a life that would bore a snail, nothing exciting ever seems to happen to him.
Then, at his mother’s urging, he tries on a pair of his late grandfather’s old pants and everything changes — most importantly his emerging love life. It’s not long before his mother and her meddling friends get involved.
When an old friend of his grandfather’s tells Jack he has something she wants, his new-found life takes another turn. Having no idea what he is supposed to have, Jack looks to his girlfriend, Connie, and her brother, Robert, for help.
In the end, the answers will all be found in his Grandfather’s Pants.
Excerpt from My Grandfather’s Pants
“It was the only way to keep up with him,” Stella offered with delight.
“We were a sexual tag team,” Harriet said with pride. “Heard of the big
O…with Bob it was every single time. I mean time, after time, after time.”
“The three of you?” I said half-heartedly, trying to make this fit in my head.
No one answered.
I looked up as they exchanged an uneasy glance.
“It was just the three of you, right?” I asked, standing.
“Well, Stella broke her leg in the mid-seventies and as brave as she was she
had to drop out of the rotation for a few months and we needed a replacement.
Harriet had a friend, Evelyn Gallo, a sweet woman really, her husband had died
some time ago and she seemed a good fit before…” Mom’s voice trailed off.
“Before?” I asked, afraid of what might come next.
“She died. Three turns at the horn and she gave up the ghost.” Harriet
“Died? She died?” I asked with disbelief.
“The doctors said it was her heart. It had nothing to do with your father. It was
just her time to go,” Mom interjected.
“Poor old thing couldn’t handle the horn, but if you have to go, go with a smile
on your face, I always say,” Harriet croaked between puffs.
“I’m afraid to ask…the horn?” I managed to mouth weakly.
“Cornucopia, the horn of plenty, it kept giving and giving. We had to call the
damn thing something it was like it had a life of its own. It just happened to be
attached to Bob,” Stella shrugged.
“Why are you telling me this? Why now?” I gasped, too embarrassed to look
in her direction. I had a pounding headache and my mind spun. A grotesque picture
of a naked Harriet, with a cigarette hanging from her bottom lip, jumping up and
down on my parent’s bed, kept playing in my mind.
“Grandchildren, of course. If you have the gift it’s possible that you will frighten
Connie off before she has the chance to understand and I won’t have grandchildren
to spoil before my time comes,” Mom answered with a large smile, holding out her
“Grandkids?” I coughed, choking on the word. My mind swung from one
extreme to another. The thought of my parents as sexual beings was uncomfortable
enough but that both Dad and my grandfather and his before him were satyrs
Every werewolf movie I’d ever seen now came to mind. Without intent or
desire, I was a victim of an unwanted ability that now lay dormant within me waiting
for the next full moon or some external signal to trigger my unwitting transformation.
As the pressure of this new reality squeezed down on me it occurred to me:
my grandfather’s pants. That was it! They had to be the catalyst. That made it
simple. If I never wore them again this would all go away.
“Hi. I like the store. Am I interrupting something?” Connie asked, suddenly
appearing with Robert in tow.
“Oh, no, dear. As a matter of fact we were just waiting for you,” Mom said,
crossing the floor to give Connie a hug hello.
“Look what we’ve brought you,” Stella said, adding her hug on top of Mom’s,
handing her the now rumpled magazine.
“’Today’s Bride’. I don’t know what to say. Thank you, I guess,” Connie said
before looking to me for an explanation.
“Don’t ask,” I said, holding a hand up in protest.
“You like sex?” Harriet asked, pushing herself up to stand in front of Connie.
“Excuse me?” Connie stepped back.
“Yeah, she does,” Robert snickered.
“Robert!” Connie chided, slapping at him and everyone laughed.
“She got her foot caught in the window of his car,” he said, pointing at me,
encouraged by the ladies reaction.
Connie’s eyes grew larger in shock.
Instantly, the heat of embarrassment flushed over me.
“Robert,” she snapped, grabbing her brother’s hand in an effort to dissuade
him from continuing.
“He was wearing her dress and her foot was rolled up in the window and
couldn’t get out.” He laughed, pushing her away.
“I wasn’t wearing her dress. It might have looked that way but I wasn’t, really I
wasn’t,” I protested.
“Okay, that’s enough out of you,” Connie said beet red, pulling Robert toward
the front of the store.
I was certain I looked the same.
“Nancy boy,” Harriet called in my direction as she, Mom and Stella gave
“Jack, honey, why don’t you have Robert help you for a minute and let us girls
talk,” Mom said, pulling him free of Connie’s grip and propelling him in my direction.
“Mom, don’t. Please I’m begging you,” I pleaded as they scooped Connie up
between them, heading for the front door. “Mom!” I shouted but they’d already left
The bell over the door rang as it closed, and this time it sounded a note of
“You wore a dress,” Robert teased, poking me with a thick finger.
“Yeah, I did, Robert. You want some cheese?” I asked, placing a hand on his
shoulder to guide him to the back of the store.
Praise for My Grandfather’s Pants by Tegon Maus
“This story is fantastic! It is totally different to anything I have read before. As the storyline unfolds, it is sexy, humorous and very entertaining – absolutely brilliant!”- Susan Keefe, Book Reviews By Susan Keefe, Author
“I was definitely not expecting to laugh as often as I did while reading My Grandfather’s Pants. Mr. Maus has a fantastic sense of humour that translates extremely well to the written word. He is adept at teasing out the funny side of even the most serious or mundane parts of daily life. It was especially entertaining to see how he plays around with a wide range of assumptions most of us make about certain groups of people in order to keep his readers on their toes.
My Grandfather’s Pants is a great choice for anyone in the mood for something quirky and original. This is the kind of book that begs to be read more than once. I, for one, will be revisiting it quite soon!”- LAS Reviewer, Long and Short Reviews
“My Grandfather’s Pants is a funny and surprising novel. An enjoyable combination of fantasy and suspense with a touch of romance. The protagonist, Jack is a likeable old soul thrown into a bizarre situation, and the way he handles the bizarre challenges he faces will keep you guessing . . . and laughing. Pick up this book if you want to take a ride on a saucy, madcap rollercoaster. You won’t be disappointed!”- Joseph N. Sidari, Amazon Reviewer
About Tegon Maus
Tegon Maus was raised pretty much the same as everyone else… devoted mother, strict father and all the imaginary friends he could conjure. Not that he wasn’t friendly, he just wasn’t “people orientated”. Maybe he lived in his head way more than he should have, maybe not. He liked machines more than people, at least he did until I met his wife.
The first thing he can remember writing was for her. For the life of him he can’t remember what it was about… something about dust bunnies under the bed and monsters in my closet. It must have been pretty good because she married him shortly after that. He spent a good number of years chasing other dreams before he got back to writing.
It wasn’t a deliberate conscious thought, it was more of a stepping stone. His wife and himself had joined a dream interpret group and we were encouraged to write down our dreams as they occurred. “Be as detailed as you can,” we were told.
He was thrilled. If there is one thing he enjoys it’s making people believe him and he likes to exaggerate. Not a big exaggeration or an outright lie mind you, just a little step out of sync, just enough so you couldn’t be sure if it were true or not. When he writes, he always write with the effort of “it could happen” very much in mind and nothing, he guarantees you, nothing, makes him happier.
He has consistently placed in the top 3 in 189 writing contest in a variety of genres and has been featured in magazines a couple of times to raise money for Saint Jude’s Children’s Hospital.
Author on Tirgearr Website: http://tirgearrpublishing.com/authors/Maus_Tegon/
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